leaving beijing

today i'm leaving for shanghai. i probably won't be able to write the coming week, but i will try my best to give a detailed report when i come back. 

last quote i heard:

a friend is someone

who knows the song in your heart

and can sing it back to you

when you have forgotton the words

i don't know who wrote it but it's nice. corny, but still.

see ya later alligator!

first song today: 'city song' by emmy the great

xxx lucia

mist in my mind

i've been waiting for some inspiration

for some mental stimulation

something weird or something cool

something sweet or cruel

but all stays hidden

or forbidden

no stories to quote

new feelings i wrote

a tear and a half

for the stranger that laughs

a smile on a string

for the recollections you bring

boy, i can't rhyme for the life of me. haven't written a poem since i was eight, and with reason as you can see. i just don't know what to write anymore. a misty veil has formed itself around my mind, my thoughts don't seem to come through anymore. i can feel new ideas lying, lingering, waiting for my touch, but i can't reach them. my mind won't open up. 

winter is coming soon. i can feel it everywhere. leaves are falling, they're selling chestnuts in the streets, the air gets chillier everyday. we're going to shanghai the day after tomorrow, i hope it'll be warmer there...

first song of the day: "blue" by joni mitchell

missing is temporary, love is forever

i sincerely apologize for my temporary breakdown in my last entry. and thank you for all those sweet words to calm me down.

i absolutely love it here in china, i want there to be no misunderstanding about that. but there are also moments when i am completely exhausted by all the new impressions and experiences it gives me. and because i don't have a real home to go to, to straighten my thoughts, to rest my head, they sometimes get the best of me. there are moments when i feel utterly alone in this humungous city. i just want to convey my feelings as true as possible, i don't feel like lying about them.

now, to a more cheerful subject. in the last week, two of my uncles came to beijing. it was nice to have some family here. i went to dinner with them both and thursday i went to 798 with tong and my mothers brother tiong. at 798 there used to be a factory but it has now been turned into a contemporary art district. it's a great location where you can not only find any well known chinese artist but also your regular andy warhol. the little streets are filled with smaller and larger galleries, restaurants and cafés. you could roam through them for days if you wanted. it was great fun.

today is saturday, i don't know what i'm going to do yet. a greyish fog is settling over beijing again. there are times when you can look straight into te sun without hurting your eyes...

first song of the day: 'modern guilt' by beck

xxx lucia

*special thanx to fby 'cause i kinda stole his line

baby you've got me thinking, about the things i left behind...

i miss home. i've never missed home so much in my life. i guess it's because i know that the coming year i won't be there. not once. not a single second to catch my breath. the thought alone makes me feel uneasy. somehow i never thought i'd be like this. all i thought about was getting the hell out of holland. i got so used to the idea that that's what i wanted, that i never, not once, glanced back to see if i hadn't changed my mind on the way. i wonder about how people at home remember me. as the girl that didn't feel at home in the country she was born in? as the girl with wild dreams of a foreign unknown land? or as the girl who ran away from home as soon as she got the chance? did i abandon all my friends and family to pursue my own selfish dream? the impressions i left behind seem so much more important now.
still, this is the place i want to be in. this is the bed i've made myself, and i will lie in it.

first song of the day: 'left behind' by css

pictures

here are some more pics

homework and hedgehogs

life is finally settling down to a more normal pace. i try not to stay up too late as to avoid big loud snores during class, do homework and prepare my lessons every day. i now have 16 hours of school every week. outside of school i often meet with my friends, we go out to dinner together or cook ourselves at their appartments. too bad i'm not allowed to cook inside my dorm, i'm starting to miss home cooked meals. i even bought western style bread and peanutbutter, so i don't have to go out for breakfast in the morning. 

friday me and some friends went to mao livehouse, a sort of club where all kinds of bands perform live. we went to see 'hedgehog' a beijing band, sorta indie rockish i'd say, and they were great. amazing even. they're with two guys and one tiny girl drummer. i've never seen such a small girl give so much energy to a band, amazing. it was quite a relief to hear some 'alternative' music after all the popular chinese pop songs, they give you a toothache honestly.

i can't beleive i've been here for three weeks already. it's funny how time can play tricks on you. i feel like i've been here forever but at the same time i feel like i just got here. time flies. or are we the ones flying through it? i sometimes wonder what happens to time ones it has past. where do times past go? do they simply cease to exist, or  are they still present somewhere in another universe? maybe times past are only what we make of them in our own minds.

first song today: 'let's reggae all night' by css

guitar strings and other things

i bought a guitar! three days ago me and five friends went to a street full of stores that sell musical instruments. after having spent the entire afternoon roaming through it, each of us had bought an instrument: two violins, two guitars, a keyboard and a sax! i bought a classical guitar with nylon strings that can be plugged into a sound system, and i'm really pleased with it. so now my quiet moments are all filled with the sound of my clumsily plucked notes. 

friday night was my first night of going out in beijing. we went to a very popular club named vics. only the rich chinese kids and foreigners come here. we slowly sipped from our alcohol green tea mix drinks and danced to hiphop music. it was fun, but still it was hardly what you call the 'real' china. most chinese don't go out dancing anyway. what they do like is to go sing karaoke and i heard smaller pubs with live music are quite popular as well. so maybe i'll go and check out some chinese underground bands next time. 

yesterday was my friend's birthday, we ate pizza and sang karaoke. it was lots of fun but i was so tired i had to go home early. today i just spaced out a bit, made some homework, played some guitar, nothing special really. more days spent on the other side of the world...

first song of the day: 'sunday afternoon' by rachael yamagata

pictures

here are some pictures i took with my boyfriend's camera: 

blue skies and green tea muffins

the olympic frenzy is slowly starting to evaporate now. only the strange weather and the endless repetition of olympic programs on the telly remind us of the enormous event that has just taken place here. because during the olympics only half of the cars were allowed to drive and many factories were shut down, we've been having clear sunny skies for a few days on end now. a blazing heat is coming down on us and the warm sunlight kisses our skin. i absolutely love this weather, and with my new bike always at hand i am now beginning to feel truly at home in this never sleeping city. 

yesterday i started taking classes. i had 'listening and speaking', and today i had 'reading' and 'regular chinese'. it's nice to go to school again, it gives some regularity to my days.. i was surprised to find relatively small classes, and a lot of interaction between students and teachers. from what i heard at home i expected big classrooms full of students hastily scribbeling down what the professor says. so i am relieved to find  i have nice teachers and fellow students who can also chat and laugh with each other during class. 

i don't have internet in my room yet, so i am now at some bakery/cafe with wireless internet. here they don't only have all the regular sorts of pastry, but also the most bizarre combinations of sweet and salty products, such as donuts with curry filling, sweet bread with sausage or chocolate cheese (whatever that might be). the most succesfull one i've eaten untill now: a green tea muffin, yummie... 

first song today: 'move' by css

xxx lucia