i miss home. i've never missed home so much in my life. i guess it's because i know that the coming year i won't be there. not once. not a single second to catch my breath. the thought alone makes me feel uneasy. somehow i never thought i'd be like this. all i thought about was getting the hell out of holland. i got so used to the idea that that's what i wanted, that i never, not once, glanced back to see if i hadn't changed my mind on the way. i wonder about how people at home remember me. as the girl that didn't feel at home in the country she was born in? as the girl with wild dreams of a foreign unknown land? or as the girl who ran away from home as soon as she got the chance? did i abandon all my friends and family to pursue my own selfish dream? the impressions i left behind seem so much more important now.
still, this is the place i want to be in. this is the bed i've made myself, and i will lie in it.
first song of the day: 'left behind' by css
7 comments:
hooooooow :(
komt dit doordat ik ging huilen over ichat?? whaaaaaah neee luusje don't be sad :(:(:(:(
ik denk over jou als mijn grote zus die in haar eentje naar china durft te gaan om te studeren, en ik vind haar heel stoer en knap!!
xx suus
Don't be Sad!! :(:( if you're sad I am sad
hey you!
you're gonna be fine! just relax,
enjoy, have fun and again enjoy!
this is the most wonderful thing to do. going to a country to discover it. i know you R going to be fine.
i've got a classmate here at the academy. shes from hongkong, 30yrs and all alone. no friends, no one she knows, a dfferent language, unknown city and at her small room only her sewing machine to talk to. she's from HK!!! and what is she doing in the hague? what is she searching for? she was all emotional and missing home too.
but i also told her to enjoy this year. just let everything come. leave it up to fait.
and i was talking about the non stop listening to css in china before. dont forget: i'm the one who found out about them.
remember: missing is contemporary, love is forever.
and i remember you as the crazy kid which liked to see the world.
remember:You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in...
isn't really your home anymore.
All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit...
that idea of home is gone.
I still feel at home in my house.
You'll see one day when you move out. Just sorta happens one day, and it's gone.
You feel like you can never get it back.
It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.
Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know?
You won't ever have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself.
You know, for... For your kids. For the family you start.
It's like a cycle or something.
I don't know. But I miss the idea of it, you know?
Maybe that's all family really is.
A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
Maybe. (gardenstate swimming pool scene)
xby see you s00n
Hi Lucia - we've never met but I've heard a lot about you from your father who's a colleague of mine in the AAM. He recommended your blog so I had a look today, only to see this entry.
You've chosen a path-less-travelled that allows you to see both the culture you're studying and the culture you've left from an unusual perspective. It's exciting and inspiring, but at times it will also be difficult and sad. It can feel lonely being caught between two places, and turning away from what most people would think is the easier, more familiar one.
But don't imagine that anyone back home sees you as "selfish" or having "abandoned" anything - I'm sure nothing could be further from the truth. They may worry about you, they may miss you, but think how much more heartbreaking it would be for them (and for you!) if you weren't doing what you're doing. I would guess that the people at home see you as someone strong and spirited, with an inspiration leading her to adventures they wouldn't have dreamt of.
But adventures can be emotionally exhausting, so it's all right to allow yourself to be sad sometimes. It's natural, even if you didn't expect it. It sounds banal, but make sure you sleep and eat well, and go on making lots of friends and making the most of the year.
Wishing you all the best,
Persephone
Dear sweet Luusje!
There are tears glistening in my eyes at this moment.
I miss your sweet voice and laughter. You always make me smile :)
You're not selfish at all. It was time to spread YOUR wings. Just like mine was to pursue my fashion-dream! We're at this point where we have to find ourselves.
I think I've found a piece in Stefan and you in Tong. But that's not enough. Dreamers, like you and me, see the world from way above. It's time to submerge ourselves into our adventure. Face the real thing. After two years I'm ready, are you?
With love,
Dars
Sweetiepie =)
I know how you feel. And I hate that familiar knot.
Just remember, next summer you'll have all new memories to remember, new places discovered, new tastes tasted and new smells smelled, about that first year away from home and how much you've grown through it.
But for now, it's ok to miss and be sad.
And you foolish girl. Nobody thinks you are selfish. You make me look bad! I left all my friends behind in holland, not for a year.. forever.
Time flies, so enjoy this oppurtunity in it's entirety!
Mis je Luus,
Hugs and kiss
An
Lieve Luus,
Ik bewonder je enorm!!!
Kus van Angelique
kindje,
home sweet home.
but if you were here, you'd wished you were there.
growing up is everbody's fate, there is no turning back.
going away gets you uprooted, i know, but you get so much in return...
i know you have no regrets.
and i am proud of you.
but of course we miss you we miss you we miss you!
maar voor je het weet zien we elkaar weer!
kus kus, mams
Post a Comment